According to Google

29 09 2009

How long does…

…weed stay in your system?

Although its effects usually wear off within a few hours to a day, marijuana, or more precisely THC, can stay in your body for a variety of time based on the amount that is smoked or ingested, how often it is used, and how fast a person’s metabolism. Usually a minimal testable amount would be burned off within thirty days, although urine tests can detect THC up to ninety days after the most recent used. HOWEVER: because hair is simply dead cells, THC can’t metabolize and it will remain in hair for as long as the hair is long, thus up to three years. Short answer, stop getting baked and get a haircut you dirty hobo.

…it take to get a passport?

The State Department is claiming that they will get a passport out routinely within six weeks from the time the application is received or within three weeks if the application is expedited. From personal experience the amount of time can vary considerably, from just a couple weeks, to several months during backlog, so if you need it, reasonably give yourself half a year, just to be safe.

…alcohol stay in your system?

Normally, alcohol will be metabolized by the liver within ten to twelve hours by an average sized, healthy drunk individual. This can vary depending on body mass, gender, and most importantly, how one’s liver is functioning. For an alcoholic whose liver handles large quantities of alcohol often, there might be a backlog simply because the liver is weakened, and can’t process it as quickly. In extreme cases, alcohol can still be detected in the blood up to a week after the last drink is drunk.

…it take to get pregnant?

I’m not really sure what this means, but let’s assume that it’s asking how long it takes a woman having regular unprotected sex to become knocked up. In this case, after about four months, she has a 50/50 chance of being pregnant, and after a year, about a 90% chance. After that if she’s still not pregnant, she just doesn’t want it enough.

…sperm live?

This is another quite ambiguous question. In a vagina? In ideal conditions, they can survive for about five days, but realistically any that haven’t fertilized an egg within the first day or so probably won’t, and will soon die. On a guy’s stomach? They can live until about the point that they dry out, so according to the magic internets about an hour. Of course, why a guy has a live baby juice colony just chilling on him for an hour or more, I can’t fathom, but whatever floats your boat.

…implantation bleeding last?

Apparently when a woman becomes pregnant, she’ll bleed for a period of time shorter than her menstrual bleeding. The correct answer is barely at all to two days.

…xanax stay in your system?

The effects of Xanax can last for up to six hours, side effects being a different story, although it can be detected in urine for up to seventy two hours. Of course, if someone is concerned about failing a urine test, it shouldn’t matter as long as they have a valid prescription.

…nicotine stay in your system?

The answer for this is similar to that for weed, although usually it is metabolized within a couple weeks. Crack is whack.

…vicodin stay in your system?

Seriously, how many drugs are Google users on? There is no way these aren’t all mixing with disastrous results. Vicodin’s effects can last from four to eight hours, side effects more. However, the hydrocodone can be detected up to seventy two hours after the last use. According to online forums, probation officers will ask their clients if they have taken any pain medications up to five days prior to testing, implying that that is the unofficial government line is that you will be effed up for five full days.

…it take to boil an egg?

There are various answers, from five to fifteen minutes, although it is certainly affected by size, egg temperature, and importantly, altitude. In somewhere high add a few extra minutes to account for air pressure differences. Except Amsterdam. You can boil an egg normally there.

– Nic